On a Teeter Totter

While the basic direction of my religious life has been fairly constant for several years, its constancy seems to be the constancy of a man straddling on a teeter totter or balancing on a log. It seems to take but a small shove to push me in either one direction or another. Several months ago I thought that I was utterly sick of Christianity, was fast losing interest in Mary, and was convinced that a purely Isian direction in my religious life was my future. However all that it took was a visit by myself with some friends to the Russian festival at the St Nicholas Orthodox Church in Mogadore, Ohio and the development of a strong uneasy feeling about a  page dedicated to Isis on Face Book to completely spin me in another direction.

These constant changes I think are not caused by the sort of searching that young people do when they try out one religious idea after another attempting to develop a spiritual understanding of the world. I am a fairly old person whose basic intellectual spiritual framework has been fixed for years. The problem is that this framework has been build on the fulcrum of a metaphoric teeter totter. The facts.  I have always been drawn and have felt a part of the Jewish and Christian cultures and civilizations of monotheism. I certainly do see a lot that is problematic with both of these traditions. However in spite of this there is much of beauty and of the highest conception of life in these traditions as well. The main problem for me is that in these traditions there has been no room made for Goddess or what is called the divine feminine. I can not ultimately worship a purely male god with out also worshiping a goddess.  One of the reasons for my attraction to the Marian tradition has been that Mary is the closest equivalent to Goddess in the Christian tradition.

Isis seems to me to represent the most developed tradition of the Goddess within the western Pagan traditions. Therefore I have worshiped her for years as Creatress, Savioress, as the Universal Goddess.  The problem is that I do not share any deep interest in the Wiccan, the Kemetic, or magical theologies of the vaste majority of contemporary worshipers of Isis. The pattern of my relationship with Isis instead is closely modeled on  how the Hindus of the Bhakti / Devotional traditions worship their own personal deities such as Krisna, Shiva, or the Mahadevi. This devotional path is also by the way  similar to how devote Christians and Jews might worship G-d / the Lord, Jesus, or Mary.

So here I am a person with feet on both sides of the see saw. I see Isis, the Biblical Sophia, and Mary as One. I also have a lot of interest in Durga and the goddesses of Hinduism. At this time I even chant Om, Hrim, and  chant  a mantra of “Om Shri Maryam Namah” as part of my morning devotions. Well perhaps I have left the teeter tooter. I can no longer pretend to my self that I am really what most people or I, myself, can call “Christian.”  Neither am I a Pagan, a Jew or a Hindu. I am instead what I am and am willing to learn from any tradition that helps me in my life.